You know that old saying? The one Depeche Mode wrote a song about? Some consider it gospel?
“You don’t really know a man until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes.”
Well, first off, I’m not a man. And I’ll tell you now, if you ever meet me, want to talk to me, or really want to know me - - I wear a size 6, usually comfort-over-fashion foot coverings, and - - you don’t have to walk one damn step in them.
Not one step, let alone a mile. Don’t bother. Don’t worry about it.
If you want to know about my life, why I feel the things I do, why I have such strong opinions about things - try this..........ask me. Talk to me about it. Listen. And keep an open mind. That is all I ask of people.
It’s not that I think that old saying is complete garbage, but I think it enables a closed-mindedness that is infuriating. I think it allows people to rant and rave about things, and then try and shut down differing opinions by saying “Well, you don’t know because you’ve never experienced it.” Or, to be exact “You've never experienced it in the exact way and fashion that I have.”
Well of course not. Nobody has. But why should I? Why are other peoples' opinions negated if they have not taken the exact same journey that you have? Everyone has his or her own lifetime of experiences. Maybe one grew up rich, one grew up poor. Maybe one lost a grandfather, one a mother. Maybe one was raised religious, one learned to hate religion because of an oppressive childhood. Maybe one has an alcohol addiction, one is a workaholic. Maybe one walked through snow to school, one was home schooled. No one can know for sure what those experiences were like, but I think that some people have valuable insights and valid opinions without the first-hand knowledge. And I think one of the most valuable lessons you learn is that - your own opinions *can* change. And that there is wisdom in unlikely places.
Very very rarely in my life has someone pulled this card on me. And you know why it happened? It was because I gave some advice that didn’t want to be heard. Someone came to me to talk through a relationship problem, but when I pointed out a very harsh reality of the situation, I was shot down with “Well, you’ve never been in a real relationship.” Which I could only take to mean I had never been married since I very well thought I *had* been in a real romantic relationship. And up to that point, I think she thought so too. She didn’t say this to me when we started the conversation. She had never, in all the years I’ve know her, used this as a reason to not talk to me about relationships. But, I said something that put her on the defensive, and that was the response. A way to shoot down an opinion that was absolutely unwanted. Because I had never been in a relationship that was *exactly* like the one she was in. Well, of course not. But I can still see truth in circumstances. And I can still hold the same opinions I’ve always held.
But you know how this goes. Defensive people. Or defensive situations. Mothers who won’t listen to a childless woman’s advice even if she’s taken care of kids since puberty and the mother never changed a diaper before she popped out a kid. People who have been through trials and tribulations who won’t take advice because “You don’t know what it’s like.” People with a different opinion who think no one can relate to them. But you know what. If you live long enough, you realize there are no unique situations in the entire world. Which, I’m sorry to say, leads to the fact there are no unique people. There are some real characters out there, that’s for sure. But no one so unique that someone down the block doesn’t know someone just like you. No kidding. It's not such a bad realization. Personally, it took me until some time after college and into my 20s before the realization hit me. Can't say it made me a less whiney person. But at least I know I have good company.
If you surround yourself only with like-minded and like-lived people, when do you learn something new? And how can you shut down so many others so fast, without thought?
Now, I’m not naive enough to not really understand. These are basically rhetorical questions. I know closed-minded people are not going to change their stripes overnight. And I know there is comfort in certainty, and people will latch onto their own version of certainty, no matter what. But let’s be honest about it, shall we. So, stop using that expression as a shield. People can understand you without duplicating your life. And, I think people can hold valuable opinions based on their own lives, their own education, their own feelings. I may not agree with you. I may sit and wonder if you were hatched from a pod left by malignant aliens. But if I’m going to disagree with you, I will try and do two things. First, I will try and admit that your opinions have some grounds for legitimacy. And I will try and understand those grounds and then make a reasonable argument. Or else, I’ll just leave you be. I can be as dismissive as the next person when someone becomes too much of a “vexation to the spirit.” I can even argue that your opinions are wrong. But I won’t do so just because you’ve lived a different life than me. I can come up with much better retorts than that!
So, my shoes may get bare. They may be uncomfortable at times. They may be hideous to look at. But they are my shoes. They can stay on my own feet, and I will leave you to yours. Thank you very much.
I know closed-minded people are not going to change their stripes overnight. And I know there is comfort in certainty, and people will latch onto their own version of certainty, no matter what. But let’s be honest about it, shall we. So, stop using that expression as a shield. People can understand you without duplicating your life. 
